Locked Heart
by dark ningyou
Summary: Post Kyoto. Muraki got trapped in a limbo... between the world of the living and the dead. The only one who can help him get back is the only person who he can communicate with-his doll. Will Hisoka help him though?
1. Prologue

Disclaimers: If I owned Yami no Matsuei… *goes and reads an entire novel of all possibilities there is, _if _the priceless artwork was owned* See? In other words, I don't own it, because those possibilities never came true. A certain literary genius (and should I say exceptional artist) named Matsushita Yoko does, and she deserves all the credit. I am but a lowly fan.

Also, I took the title from the Yami no Matsuei soundtrack (Hiro no Tsuki) track 20. The title in Japanese is "Tozasareta Kokoro". I found the translated title at Theria's merchandise info.

Warnings: shounen ai, yaoi, angst, all the usual stuff that makes Yami no Matsuei so enjoyable to read. 

This is my firstattempt to write a Yami no Matsuei fanfic… and in Hisoka's POV. Please be nice. 

_"… these wounds won't seem to heal_

_this pain is just too real_

_there's just too much that time can not erase…"_

~Evanescence (My Immortal)

Locked Heart 

****

First, give me time to recall what exactly happened that got us into this. We were just out for a stroll in _Chijou_. Tsuzuki insisted that we go there to buy some of his favorite sweets that he didn't get the chance to eat for a while. Tsuzuki? Tsuzuki Asato not eating sweets? Yes, I'm not joking. It's because he was bedridden for the past few weeks, and so was I. Mine was nothing, just a few bruises and burns here and there. Tsuzuki had more serious injuries. Not just physically speaking, but more on emotional wounds. Muraki's little game with us in Kyoto did more harm to my partner than necessary. And I'll never forgive him for that. Ever. 

Tsuzuki pretends that he's perfectly fine now, but only an idiot would fall for his façade. Even with his outwardly _genki_ smile, inside, he's still nursing fresh wounds. He simply doesn't want people to worry about him. Ironically though, he's a worrywart himself. He fusses a lot over small things like my poor eating habits, pushing myself too much and all that crap. He really loves to meddle, but he never really opens up to anyone. And even until now, he doesn't share anything about his past at all. No one knows what happened before Tsuzuki became a shinigami… not Tatsumi-san, not Watari-san, and not even me, his 'probably permanent' partner. I think only _Kachou_ and _Enma-sama_ have an idea. And, no, them talking about it is definitely out of the question.

Despite his unknown history, everyone who comes across Tsuzuki learns to love him fairly quickly. Maybe it's got something to do with his childish ways. Like his annoying whining and turning into a little puppy. He also has a very lethal puppy look whenever he wants something. But all in all, he's cute that way. More than that, he has a very reassuring aura about him. He sure knows how to make anyone feel safe and that's exactly how he affects me… even to this very moment.

It all happened so fast. One moment we were just exiting the sweets shop (where we've been in for about three hours) and on our way back to _Meifu_, then the next thing I know there were these weird guys after us. They just popped out of nowhere, and at the worst timing too. 

We were just trying to find an empty spot, where there'd be no one to see us just vanish. We spotted a dark alley and headed right into it, thinking that it was the best place where we can do it. It was then that these strangers appeared and attacked us. 

You see, we _can_ teleport, the thing is, it has to done be _away_ from human eyes. It's basic shinigami rule really. And another one is, _never_ engage in an unnecessary battle. That's what held us back, and led us right into this mess. 

It's weird. I'm sure that I felt something… how should I put it… 'different'… about these guys, I just can't put my finger on it. I warned Tsuzuki, told him that it's probably best to knock them out and just modify their memories afterwards, but he just wouldn't listen. He firmly said that he doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore. With what happened in Kyoto still plaguing him, he wouldn't consent to the idea of fighting back. Fine, so I decided that the best thing we could do was just, well, run for it. Just try to lose them if we can.

Easier said than done.

No matter how fast we ran, they still tailed us. This made my suspicion stronger. Normal humans would never have been able to catch up with the speed of a shinigami. We were specially trained. Hey, even if I don't look it, I'm a fast runner too you know. Less weight boosts my speed. It's really a big help that I maintain a small body… even if it might eventually be the death of me. Second death, I mean.

We saw another dim alleyway and turned there. Wrong move. We ended up at a dead end, and there we got cornered. It was only then that I got a closer look at our aggressors. With the help of the lamppost that stood on the edge of this alley, I was able to make out their features. Disturbing. That's how I'd describe them. Their eyes looked ordinary form afar, but at this close range, I could tell that they look unusual. It's like, there's no soul behind those depths. 

Then it hit me. 

The last time I saw that kind of look was from Tsuzuki, and back then he was possessed by that creepy demon while protecting Hijiri.

These men weren't on their right minds. Someone, or something, was manipulating them. I had no choice. I didn't care if Tsuzuki got mad with me for my actions. But I had this sudden urge in me to get us out of this situation. And quick. 

I pulled out a _fuda_ and started to chant. Then I threw it at them. Nothing too harmful. It was just a paralysis charm, much like the one I used on Tsuzuki on our, er, memorable first meeting. Only this time, I used it in talisman form, which means it's more controlled. Too controlled, if I may say so, because the charm didn't even last a full minute. They were able to dispel it. I tried to do it again, but just yielded the same result. 

I then decided to use _jitsu_ when I felt Tsuzuki's hand stop me. I was just about to argue with him when I saw one of them sprinting towards us at the corner of my eye. I pushed Tsuzuki away by instinct. I raised my right arm to shield myself, then felt a sudden jolt of pain. I opened my eyes and saw blood. The dagger pierced through my skin and left a deep wound.

Funny, I never thought an injured arm could hurt so much. Just a few weeks ago, Oriya-san almost tore my body in half and it wasn't this painful. Or maybe I just didn't notice it, because all the time I was thinking about Tsuzuki. About bringing him back.

Speaking of Tsuzuki, right after I got hurt he seemed to have lost his temper and punched the daylights out of the guy who stabbed me. He did the same to all of his companions too. Under any other circumstances, it would've been touching how he lost his cool for me. You see, he crumpled down right after and shook his head frantically, chanting 'I shouldn't have done that' over and over again.

Out of the blue, lightning illuminated the night and thunder roared. Rain followed. Talk about special effects. I rushed to his side and tried to comfort him. I raised my voice loud enough to rival the volume of the rain, and kept on telling that it wasn't his fault and that he had no other choice. And yet, he still wouldn't listen at all. 

At any rate, I helped him up and tried to teleport us both back to _Meifu, _only, I fell right back down, and even dragged Tsuzuki with me. I felt weak. Then I noticed for the first time that my wound hasn't healed yet. It was supposed to have regenerated already by now. 

The rain still continued to pour down. I don't know if it was just me, or the wind was blowing harder, because I felt so cold. I began to shiver and desperately hugged myself for warmth. Soaked, shivering, and bleeding at the moment, I felt my senses start to fade away. The last thing I remembered was Tsuzuki keeping me in his arms and calling out my name. 

~*~*~*~

How did it go? Comments? Anyone? 


	2. Locked Heart One

Locked Heart One

~*~*~*~

     This dream again. It's the one where I am walking in a meadow on a sunny afternoon. This place… It really looks familiar. It's like I have been here long, long ago. Perhaps, when I was alive? It's like I'm just watching myself in this dream.  I can't really tell. For some reason, I can't control my body. It's moving on its own will. 

     _Like a puppet with strings attached._

     I… or rather, myself as I "see" in my dream, keep on walking and walking… until I stop at a spot… and of all places, right under the Sakura. There, I again watch myself sit in silence and stare up at the endless blue known as the sky. The feeling…It's so relaxing. My eyelids heavily blink as I feel sleep cheerfully beckoning me. My consciousness is slowly fading, until I hear the voice of a child.

     "Please help me…"

     The voice is pleading. The voice is begging. The voice… sounds so familiar.

      "Please…"

     A voice I've known so long ago…

     "Help…"

     A voice I'll never forget

     "Me…"

      It's him…

~*~*~*~

     As my consciousness slowly dawns upon me, I vaguely feel a presence sitting beside me. Open my eyes. I see… a pair of amethyst orbs. I hear a voice… so distant… yet feels like it's coming nearer. Blink my eyes to get rid of the fuzziness. I can see it clearer now. A pair of amethyst eyes worriedly looking at me… This person. 

     "Tsuzuki…?" 

     "Shhhh…" 

     He runs a hand on my hair, as if combing it with his fingers, stroking it ever so gently.

     "You're fever is still very high. Go back to sleep. Rest is what you need most right now."

     I can feel his emotions gently inflowing. 

     _Concern… protectiveness… care…_ and something I just can't recognize… 

     What is this emotion coming from Tsuzuki? Why does it scare me…? 

     And yet, I want it…

     "Go to sleep, Hisoka." he gently repeats.

     And I feel myself plunging into blackness- a very comfortable blackness.

~*~*~*~

_     My doll…_ _That night, you were as beautiful as a blossoming Sakura in the darkness... *1*_

      Taking everything from me… cursing me… and finally… ending my life…

     _Beneath your beautiful eyes… you will always feel me within your body…*2*_

Wasn't that enough…? 

     Feel more pain… my adored puppet…*1* 

     Why…? Why do you torment me so…? What have I done so wrong that you hate me this much…?

     _Come… let me hold you again… let us… **relive**… that timeless moment_

      Stop…

     _In a bed of soft Sakura petals… Under a crimson moonlight…_

     NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

~*~*~*~

     "TSUZUKI!!!" 

     Someone screamed. I think it was me. I feel sick. Always, after that nightmare which haunts me ceaselessly in my slumber, I feel so… awful. Like I want to throw up. I'm shivering a lot. I think I'm about to freeze. I wish someone would hold me close and make me feel warm. 

      I can faintly sense someone shaking me awake. He's calling my name. "Hisoka" he yells… and that's my name. Isn't it? 

     "Hisoka! Hisoka!" 

     Yelling again. 

      Stop. You're too noisy. 

     "Hisoka!" 

     I want to tell him that I can hear him. But for some reason, I can't. My throat feels like there's something stuck in it. I try to force my eyes open, to make him see that I'm awake. Can't see clearly, mist covering my sight. But the dark lock of hair tells me that Tsuzuki's right in front of me. Besides, who else in the entire Shoukan Division has this loud mouth anyway?  He was the one waking me up. 

     Slowly, I force myself to speak again. But nothing would come out. So I settle on trying to move my hand and touch him. Actually, to slap him for all the noise he's making, he just better be thankful that I don't have the energy right now. I managed to raise my hand a little, but ended up on letting it fall on top of Tsuzuki's arm. I really feel so heavy. Good thing it shut him up though. He looks straight into my eyes and caresses my cheek and… Did he just wipe away tears from my eyes? 

     I… was crying? 

     "Don't worry… I'm here. I'll stay with you… so don't be afraid anymore."

     Afraid? 

     Of what…? 

     Of that night when the moon was tainted crimson like the blood that poured out of my body? 

     Of that searing pain that took over all of my senses?

     Of those hands that mercilessly took my innocence and my life?

      Or…

     Afraid of you… who forced me to open my closed doors, letting you in, but forever haunted by the fear of experiencing the pain of betrayal all over again…? 

    I just don't know what I have to fear anymore…

     "Hisoka! Hisoka!" 

     Shaking me again. Let me go. Your emotions… they're hurting me.     

     "Hisoka--" 

     "Let him sleep, Tsuzuki-san." Another person… another emotion. 

     I could only make out his blonde hair. He put his hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder then fixed my blanket. He wiped something wet on my arm… then I felt a slight pang when he slid a needle in.     

     And I fall into a dreamless sleep.

~*~*~*~

(1) King of Swords arc

(2) Nagasaki arc

Translations courtesy of Theria.

Thanks to the only one who reviewed. It was enough to make me continue.


	3. Locked Heart Two

Locked Heart Two

~*~*~*~

     The next morning, when I wake up, I feel a bit rested. Still drowsy, and with a nagging pain at the back of my head, but more or less I feel better. I think. Slowly open my eyes… Tsuzuki is leaning on my bed from his place in the chair, asleep. 

     _'Poor Tsuzuki… how long have you been here?'_

     I raise my hand a little and playfully toy with his hair.

     _'Why didn't you just go home and sleep comfortably on your bed?'_

     He releases a soft groan and groggily peels his eyes open. Upon seeing me awake already, he simply smiles at me and greets me.

     "Good Morning! How are you feeling now?" He asks with bedroom voice.

     "Better." I answer. 

     He places his hand on my forehead and feels my temperature with his palm. I flinch at the touch but Tsuzuki reassures me with his smile, as if telling me that he means no harm. 

     "Good. It seems like your fever has already gone down. I think you'll be able to eat now. You've been asleep for three days straight. Wait here 'kay? I'll go get something to eat." 

     He runs his hand on my hair again before stepping out of the infirmary.

     I turn my head to the side and outside the window I see a figure of a person at the grass-covered grounds, looking at my direction. I can't recognize who it is, and can't tell if he/she is really looking at me. My vision is still blurry. Rub my eyes to get rid of the haze. The moment I reopen my eyes, the figure's gone. 

     I wonder who it was? 

     Maybe just a coworker… so I just ignore it and shrug off the thought. Besides, I can't wonder for long because I can hear someone's footsteps. Must be Tsuzuki. He'll worry if he sees that something is troubling me at the slightest. He has a knack for being able to see through me and tell if I'm 'not okay' no matter how well I hide it. 

     Watari steps in.

     " 'Morning, bon! I passed by Tsuzuki on my way to the lab and he mentioned that you're awake now. How are you? Do you hurt anywhere?" 

     Watari peered in closer, examining me, his golden eyes glimmering with eagerness behind his rimmed spectacles. He gently holds my wrist and tries to feel my pulse. He smiles at me then continues with his questioning.

     "Did you have a good sleep?" 

     I nod. I wanted to say yes, but I suddenly seemed to feel too tired to speak.

     "Good. I had to sedate you a couple of times or so, so that you'll be able to sleep, which you badly needed by the way. Tsuzuki told me that you've been having nightmares." He stops and hesitates for a moment, then continues. "Bon, if you feel like talking to me about it, do so ne? You shouldn't carry that burden all by yourself. Remember, we're all here to help. Always."

     Those words… It made my heart leap. But at the same time, it made me feel a bit guilty too. I think I'm being unfair to everybody for not trusting them completely but… I just hope that they'd understand. All my life I've been betrayed, so it's not that easy for me to learn how to trust again.

     I want to say thank you, but I feel like my throat's betraying me again. So I settle instead on grasping Watari-san's hand and squeezing it affectionately. I think he got the message, because he's smiling at me. 

     Tsuzuki quietly walks in, carrying a small tray with a steaming bowl of noodles, which apparently was instant, and a cup of tea. He puts it on the bedside table and carefully helps me up to sit and lean on my pillows, which Watari, in turn, fixes for me. He holds the bowl with his left hand and starts to spoon-feed me with his right. Great, I can feel heat generating at my cheeks, and I think I look like a "tomato head".

     "Tsuzuki I… can eat by myself." I shyly stammer.

     I take the chopsticks from Tsuzuki, but as soon as I attempt to take the first bite, my hand went numb and it fell off my hands. What just happened? My sight fell on the bandage wrapped around my arm. 

     So my wound hasn't healed yet huh? 

     And I unconsciously stare at it for a very long minute.

     Tsuzuki picks up the fallen chopsticks and lays a hand on my shoulder. 

     "You're still hurt. Let me take care of you for now ne?" He gently states. 

     "Su… sure." I reply absently, still staring at my wound.

     I flinch again as I feel Watari's hand on my shoulder.

     "It's okay bon. That wound will close soon. Maybe you just need to recoup your energy, so that your healing abilities will function again."

     I can't help but notice the word _maybe. _Just what did he mean by that? 

     Does it imply uncertainty? 

     Does it say that he's not sure whether this wound will indeed heal or not?

      I hope that I'm just worrying too much. 

     But still, I can't help but feel ashamed… weak.

     I'm being such a burden to them again.

~*~*~*~

     Watari-san did a few checks-up again before he left and went back to his lab. I'm here, alone with Tsuzuki again, sharing mutual silence that we've both grown accustomed to. I feel very little emotion from him, no doubt because he has his shields up again. As usual. But, I can clearly feel a particularly distinct one that he's trying so hard to cover.

     _Guilt   _

     He's been like that for the past few days, and even if I'm asleep, I can sense it. Damn him. Has he been blaming himself for what happened again? Idiot. I think it's about time I talk him out of this. 

     "Tsuzuki… is something wrong?" I try to ask him casually, but I can't seem to hide my concern.

     He smiles at me. Again, damn him. Hasn't he ever grown tired of that plastic grin? He should know by now how it irritates me and makes me want to punch him. 

     Always, whenever he wants to hide something, he masks everything with that smile. Does he think I'm stupid enough to fall for that? Me, an empath, one who can read very well other's emotions, though absolutely and unmistakably pathetic at reading my own. 

     "Tsuzuki" I ask again, this time with a warning tone. "What is it?"

     He fidgets with the edge of my blanket then decides to speak.

     "Hisoka… I… I'm so sorry…"

     He stammers, his eyes shuddering with tears that he seems to have been holding back.

     "For what?" I ask, tilting my head curiously.

     "If… if I only listened to you, I…"

     "Stop." I interrupt.

     I know too well where this conversation is going, and I don't want to go there. I'm too tired of this. I hate it when he blames himself for everything. 

     "But Hisoka I…" he insistently continues, and I stubbornly cut it off.

     "I said shut up. Idiot."

     I look straight into his eyes and move my hand to hold his. Or at least I tried but changed my mind in a nanosecond.

     "Look, it's not your fault. It happened already and there's nothing we, or anyone, can do to undo it. The past could never be undone, Tsuzuki. But you can always do something about the present, and the future." I state calmly.

     It feels like those words had been in my head long ago… I just had to find the right time to tell them to Tsuzuki.

     He smiles at me again, this time it's a real one. He caresses my cheek (and I feel myself blushing again) and locks his gaze with mine. 

     "You're right. So would you let me make up for it by taking care of you?"

     I look away in an attempt to hide my crimson face.

     "Baka."  

~*~*~*~

     I spent the rest of the afternoon reading a book that the Gushoshin were kind enough to lend to me. As for Tsuzuki, well, as always, he's proclaiming his undying love for sweets before letting them marry his stomach. 

     I read a few lines still, before I get light headed again and feel awfully sleepy. I guess the fact that I'm still recuperating means that I still need to sleep to restore energy. Tsuzuki helps me lie down again and I promptly fall asleep.

     I don't think I've been asleep for too long, because I still feel tired. I was just on the verge of wondering why I suddenly woke up and shooting the person responsible for it, when suddenly I register angry but hushed voices coming just right outside the infirmary. 

     "Tatsumi! Listen to me! He is just in no condition to move right now! Let alone handle another case!!! Partner me with someone else for now! Just don't let Hisoka go out yet! He's still recovering for Pete's sake!" 

     Tsuzuki voiced out, infuriated for some reason. 

     "Tsuzuki-san. This does not please me any more than you but orders are orders! This case is urgent and you and Kurosaki-kun are to handle it as soon as possible."

     Tatsumi argues calmly.

     Are they talking about me?

     "But Tatsumi~!" Tsuzuki desperately begs.

     I force myself up and walk to the door, trying to keep my balance albeit my wobbling from side to side.

     I open the door and both shinigami abruptly turns to me, startled.

     "Tatsumi-san, if you'll just let me and Tsuzuki rest tonight, tomorrow, we start the investigation." I state plainly to end their argument.

     The blue-eyed secretary simply nods, no longer demanding any explanation whatsoever of how I even knew of their conversation. 

     Tsuzuki, meanwhile, continues to look at me disbelievingly.

~*~*~*~

That's it for now. Comments and other critiques are always welcomed.

Again, thanks to those who reviewed. I'll do my best for you. ^^


	4. Locked Heart Three

Locked Heart Three

~*~*~*~

     Tsuzuki hasn't talked to me for practically the whole day. When I woke up this morning, he just left a tray of breakfast at the bedside table. So I just ate it then went over to the staff meeting room for our briefing about this 'urgent mission' that he and Tatsumi-san argued about last night.

     Again, at the staff meeting, he didn't even do so much as look at me. He kept on feigning attention throughout the entire briefing. I mean, let's face it, Tsuzuki was never the type to actually pay attention at staff meetings. He'll do everything; even give the weirdest of excuses, to escape those "boring sessions" as he unrightfully labeled them. 

     Even until now that we're walking on the sidewalks of the town where we're supposed to investigate, he still wouldn't talk to me. Fine. Silent treatment it is then. If he has no plans of talking to me, then I won't either.

     It's not that I'm being sadistic or something. It's just, I know his reason for acting like this. He's still upset about me consenting to doing this mission when he tried so hard, yes even go as far as argue with Tatsumi-san, to keep me from doing a case while I'm still on the road to recovery. Stupid idiot. Why does it matter to him so much? I mean, hey, this _is_ **my** life right? 

     So, why all the fuss?

     It's just me. It's not like I'm a very important person or something. I'm just one of those common shinigami. The only thing different about me, I suppose, is my empathy, which, more often than not, is just a burden. Not just to me, but all the more for those around me. That's why, even until now, I find it hard to understand why they care about me so much. I have nothing to give. 

     Nothing.

     Because I'm weak.

     Because I'm just a child.    

     I drowned so much in my gloomy thoughts that I tripped. Only children fall by stumbling over their own foot, and that's what I just did. Wonderful. And to add up to my shame, a stranger caught me. Splendid. I'm invisible, I don't exist, and right now, I'm slowly vanishing, disappearing into oblivion… I wish.

     "I'm sorry…" I shyly mumble, not even daring to look at who caught me. I can't bear the shame.

     "Are you okay?" His voice is smooth, gentle. I can feel his sincerity too. 

     How can he genuinely worry over someone who he'd just met? 

     More importantly, I think I should get up. It's embarrassing enough that he's holding me in his arms right now. Then I hear hastened footsteps coming nearer. Tsuzuki's running towards us, with an expression on his face that's beyond worried. 

     "Hisoka! What happened to… you?" Tsuzuki looks at me then the stranger, eyeing him with suspicion.

     "I… fell over." And I can feel my cheeks burning again. "And he helped me."

     "Oh. Thanks." Tsuzuki smiles at him wanly and helps me up.

     "My pleasure." The stranger simply states then walks away. 

     He didn't even give me the chance to thank him.

~*~*~*~

     Except for that little incident earlier, there was no interaction between my partner and me again. We're still looking for the apartment where we'll be staying. And did I mention that in order to get there, we have to pass through the Crimson Bar? It's the high-class establishment where Tsuzuki and I are supposed to go undercover, him as a bartender and me… as a dance instructor. Don't look at me like that. You should know by now that I tried to put up a fight to have our roles switched, but obviously I lost. Tatsumi-san clearly emphasized that the management was looking for _teenage_ dance instructors. For what reason, I wish I knew. 

     Speaking of which, I think we're here now. Classy. The building is made up of 20th century glass-and-metal structure, and the bright and different colored lights give a fine accent. When we stepped through the automatic door, the furnishings stunned me. The out of the ordinary, irregularly shaped chairs and tables made the entire building much more lively than the usual dull and boring bars. 

     "Excuse me, sirs. May I help you?" I snap out of my daze as a man in crisp black tux inquires with a smile.

     "We would like to speak to your management. Can you take us to them?" Tsuzuki answers politely.

     "Right this way please." 

~*~*~*~

     We step up through the wide, transparent spiral staircase as we are being led to the manager's office. We stop in front of a metal door and the guy that accompanied us rings the doorbell. After a minute or so, another person in black tux opens the door and lets us in.

     Inside, the person behind the wooden desk, presumably the manager, greets us with an examining look. It only lasted for a moment. Afterwards he smiled at us and asked us to sit down.

     "So, you must be our new employees. Shinozaki brothers, Kenji and Sho I presume? Welcome. It takes a bachelor to pass our requirements you see. So I have high expectations from you… especially you, young one."

     And he focuses his gaze on me. It gives me the creeps, but I try my best to look impassive.  

     "Riya-kun, please show Shinozaki-san here the necessary things he has to get acquainted with for bartending. Meanwhile, I would like to spend some time to talk to Shinozaki-kun about his new job."

     I don't like this. Me, alone with this… suspicious person? Tsuzuki, please don't leave me.

     "As you wish." The guy who let us in a while ago approaches Tsuzuki and leads him out of the room. Tsuzuki simply stands and follows him. He tried to hide it, but I saw him glance at me before he closed the door behind him.

     "Well now, it seems that we're alone in here, Sho-kun." 

     He stands from his desk and approaches me. 

    "Could you please stand up? I'd like to take a closer look at your physique." 

     That request made the hairs on the back of my neck rise. But I reluctantly obey.

     He walks around me and looks at me from head to foot… staring at every inch of me far longer than necessary. 

     "Perfect… your body… it has a slim and yet very elegant frame, giving you the shape of a young girl's…"

     And I feel myself blushing. I don't know if I should take that as a flattery or insult. I didn't have much time to think because the next second, I was violently pushed on top of the table and pinned down.

     "You know, I always give special trainings to cute boys like you." He looks at me with eyes full of lust.

     He caresses my cheek with one hand, while his other hand traps my hands overhead, making the wound on my arm sting. Then he starts to play with the button of my pants. I don't like this… I really don't like this. Someone… anyone… please, help me. 

     Where are you? Tsuzuki… 

     "Lay off, maniac." 

     The manager lets go of me and abruptly turns to the person who interrupted his fun. 

     "He's my responsibility. So you can't touch him." The new arrival states coolly. 

     "Hmph." And he grudgingly releases me. 

     He walks out of the room, shutting the door with a loud bang… leaving me alone with yet another stranger.

     I hastily jump out of the table and stand at the corner of the room, away from this person as far as I can. I feel my arms unconsciously rise and I hug myself protectively. 

     "We meet again, boy."

     I look up to him upon recognizing his voice. He's the one I met outside earlier. Oh you know, the one who caught me. 

     "Oh, by the way, sorry about that. That guy's really just a maniac. But don't worry. As long as you're under my care, he can't lay a finger on you." 

     I want to say 'thank you'. It's the least I can do for him having helped me not once, but_ twice_ already. But I can't. Maybe it's got something to do with my feeling terribly weak right now. I feel like I'm going to pass out any moment.

     "Hey… are you okay?" he asks.

     I guess I'm not. I feel my hands hugging myself tighter. I'm shivering a lot again.

     He removes his white coat, which I just noticed that he was wearing all this time, and very carefully wraps it around me. And I feel myself being pulled into an embrace. 

     " Tis okay now. No one will hurt you."

     I feel secured in his arms. Somehow, I sense something unnatural about his feelings that flow into me, unlike those that I feel from Tsuzuki, and yet I can't help but relax under his touch.

     "Yes, I'm actually excited to…" 

     I abruptly pulled away the moment I heard voices when the door opened, and my eyes widened upon seeing who just came in. 

     Tsuzuki.

~*~*~*~

Hehehe. Was that a cliffhanger or what? *evil smirk*


	5. Locked Heart Four

Locked Heart Four

~*~*~*~

"Tsu… *not!*… big brother." Shoot. I nearly blew our cover. 

What's happening to me? Why do I suddenly feel so nervous? It's just Tsuzuki. He won't think of anything malicious about what he saw, will he? Definitely not. 

Not Tsuzuki. 

But still… I feel so uneasy.

"We need to be early for work tomorrow. Let's go." Tsuzuki calmly speaks, but I can tell he's avoiding my eyes. 

"Ye… yes." I answer obediently. "Oh wait!"

I take off the coat wrapped around me and return it to the stranger who, in spite of myself, happens to be the first stranger that I ever allowed to hug me. 

"Thank you." I shyly murmur, looking downwards.

"No problem. I'll see you at work tomorrow then." He smoothly takes his coat back and turns away. 

And he elegantly walks out of the room. 

Tsuzuki soon followed suit, and I tailed behind. 

~*~*~*~

The walk back to the apartment proves to be no different from the way Tsuzuki and I have been earlier. Right. If there's one thing that I'll ever remember from this town, it'll be the way Tsuzuki and I happily chatted while walking in the sidewalks. Idiot. I wonder what his problem is. If it's still about me doing this mission despite my poor condition, then I was wrong if I thought he's different. He's just like the rest of them, treating me like some kind of fragile porcelain that'll break anytime.

_They all think I'm weak…_

They all think of me as a weak, little child… 

But… I feel something unusual. There's a new emotion coming from him now. I don't know if it's irritation or annoyance, what's the difference anyway. What's bothering me is it wasn't there before. Earlier today what I felt from him was disappointment, not this. Damn it Tsuzuki, what is it _this_ time? 

A few moments have passed, and that emotion's still there. 

Damn it.

"Tsuzuki."

He stops in his tracks for a minute, then walks again.

"Tsuzuki." I repeat with a more insistent note.

He stops again, but keeps his back on me.

"If there's something you want to say, say it. Don't tell me it's nothing because I'm sure as hell it's NOT nothing. So spill." I didn't expect to say it that harshly, but I'm too irritated to care.

He still keeps silent. And he still doesn't face me. Damn it.

I take a deep breath to calm my self and try… yes _try_… to speak more gently.

"Tsuzuki… What's wrong?"

He abruptly turns to me, which totally takes me by surprise, making me gasp. I inhaled rather sharply that it made my chest hurt. 

"What wrong? You're asking me what's _wrong_!? I'll tell you what's wrong! You… you… you slap my hands whenever I try to touch you when all I want is to express affection! You push me away whenever I try to comfort you! And I see you letting some mere _stranger_ HUG you! _That's_ what's wrong!!!" He angrily bursts out, almost yelling at me. 

So that's what. All this big fuss just because he saw someone hugging me? 

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" I retort. 

"It means that I… I… I…" Now _he's_ the one stammering.

"You what?" I ask, letting my curiosity win. If there's something bothering Tsuzuki, I want to be able to help him. It's the least I can do to repay all those he'd done for me.

"I… I think you're acting like a slut!!"

WHAT!!!?

"What… did you say…?" I try to stay composed, but my voice quivers. 

"Hisoka… I'm sorry… I…" Tsuzuki tries to explain, waves of guilt gushing from him. 

But this time I'm the one who burst out.

"Just because someone tried to warm me up when I was shivering makes you think of me as a whore!!!? You… the last person I ever expected I'd hear those words from…" My voice trails off as I feel my eyelids heating and shuddering with tears I'm on the verge of letting out. 

"Hisoka…" Tsuzuki takes a step, inching closer to me, but stops in hesitation.

"How could you…" I voice out, still finding it hard to believe I actually heard what he just said. Before I even realized what I was doing, I ran away as fast as I could. Away from that person who promised me he'll never let anyone hurt me.

Sure. Anyone… but himself I guess.

And I feel tears freely flowing from my eyes.

~*~*~*~

It's a new moon tonight. The surroundings are pitch black. It's not a great help that the lamppost at the corner of his street isn't working either. 

And I… hate the dark.

Oh good, there's a bus stop nearby. I guess I'll just go there and sit at the bench for a while. 

I feel so tired. And the wound on my right arm is beginning to sting again. I guess everything that happened today really wore me out. I was hoping to go back to the apartment and talk things over with Tsuzuki, to make up with him and everything… then _this_ had to happen.

Great. Now my eyelids are trembling again. Just when I thought I had no tears left to cry, a fresh round of tears once again make its way down my cheeks. 

"How could he say that…" I whisper to myself.

"I'm not a slut… am I…?"

_Come to me._ _My puppet..*._

"I'm not yours…" I shake my head in denial…

_I gave you the mark, didn't I…*_

"This curse…" I hug myself protectively…

_Come…*_

"Stop…" I clutch my head in defiance…

_Let's continue that night…_   
_On the cushion of sakura, embracing under the moonlight...*_

"I'm not a slut…" I convince myself…

_Come boy..._   
_Into my hand.*_

"Shut up… shut up…!!" Banish that voice… that cold, cruel voice…

_I'm always by your side… in your body…*_

"I'M NOT A SLUT!!!!!" I scream into the night…

And I feel hands wrap around my shoulders.

"No. Of course not. You're not a slut…"

This voice…

A voice I know so well…

"Because…"

No…

"You're my… _doll_."

~*~*~*~

* King of Swords arc

Translations from Theria.

If some parts didn't make sense, be patient. It'll be explained later. ^^;;

Thanks to those who reviewed… and those who feel like reviewing, please do so. ^___^ 

But those who feel like flaming, please don't. I'm already insecure about this fic as it is, you don't need to degrade it even more.


	6. Locked Heart Five

Locked Heart Five

~*~*~*~

     I can feel his breath at the back of my neck as he whispers to me, his voice chilling, making the freezing night wind a warm breeze in comparison. I'm shivering too much, and my mind feels too shocked to register any more information. And I… I really don't want to believe this is happening right now. 

     "My doll… it's been quite some time since we've been alone together like this ne?" Muraki seductively whispers to my ear.

     "What do you want from me now?" He took everything from me… isn't he satisfied already?

     "I want my doll back." He whispers, straightforward. He removes his arms around my shoulders and settles himself beside me, and begins to playfully caress my cheek. 

     "Lovely… you're more beautiful than when we first met."

     Then he wipes my tears away with his thumb. 

     "Tears don't suit you… especially if I'm not the reason why you're crying." He says with a seemingly gentle smile. A demon's smile.

     I don't like this. Someone… anyone… please, take me away from him. I don't want to go through that again. That night… and those three hellish years that followed. I don't want to remember. Please… help me. I want to scream, to beg for help, but I feel frozen on my seat. I'm beginning to shiver again. This coldness, where does it come from? Is it from the wind? Or is it from the person beside me? 

     Such a deep, dark and cold soul… 

     But sometimes… why do I feel comfortable in his coldness? Like the cool breeze that I always sought comfort in at night, when I was still alive. Is it because I've been used to the cold, having lived all by myself at that dark cellar for thirteen years? Or is it because I…

    I snap back into my senses as I suddenly feel something pressed on my lips… _his_ lips. 

     And I instinctively push him away.

     "Wha… what do you think you're doing?" I hissed rather harshly.

     "I can't resist it. Your eyes… they hypnotize me. Especially when you stare at me like that, lost in your thoughts." He replies coolly. "Were you thinking about me?" he adds with an annoying smirk. 

     "Why would I?" I retort, raising an eyebrow at him.

     "Because you love me." 

     Four words… only four damned words but how did it manage to rapidly increase my heartbeat and make my cheeks the reddest object in the universe? I can't breathe. Damn it. What the hell's wrong with me? This person… why did he just say that? I just don't understand him. Did he say that because it's true? No way…

     "Liar." The word slips out from my tongue.

     "Oh? What makes you think that?" He asks, yet again with that annoying smile.

     "You always deceived Tsuzuki. What reason would I have to believe you?" I ask him, narrowing my eyes. I can remember only too well the Queen Camellia case, where he managed to make all of us believe he's dead, only to find out that he was the murderer all along. And poor Tsubaki-hime… just another broken toy for him.

     "I can lie to Tsuzuki-san or any other person for as much as I like. But let me tell you one thing… I _never_ lie to you." He says, looking at me straight in the eyes. 

     This guy… just where's he getting at? I hate him. Why does he always love to torture me like this… more than physically, but psychologically… emotionally- my weakest point. 

     '_Why am I always_   
_Being tormented by this man..._   
_Bound by thread even when the fingers are gone, can a puppet not return to being human again?' *_

     "Why don't you just leave me alone…? I'm tired… I'm very tired… Just go away." I suddenly voice out before I even realized what I was doing. It's true. I want to quit playing games… especially _his_ games. 

     "How many times do I have to tell you? I'll never do that. You and I are bound… and we will be… forever." And he comes closer and pulls me into a tight hug.

     "Or perhaps… you need me to remind you?" He whispers in my ear with a tone of voice that sends my blood to feel like ice.

     "After all… tonight, the moon is red like blood. Just like… _that_ time." 

     I look up, and to my horror, what he said was true. And he starts to nip on my neck. I don't want this… I really don't want this… help me… please… 

     _Ne, Hisoka… I want you to understand…*_

     Tsubaki's last words start to echo in my ears…

     I didn't love a criminal…* 

     Now… I'm beginning to doubt it… What she said…

     _I…loved a human.*_

     I wonder if she was wrong… 

     If this person really is a human as Tsubaki claims him to be… Then why… How could he make me suffer like this?

~*~*~*~

     "… soka… Hisoka…"

     My head hurts… I feel so cold… and yet I can feel my skin burning… 

     "Hisoka…"

     Someone's shaking my shoulders… as if… trying to wake me up…?

     "Hey… Hisoka… are you okay?"

     Dark… oh, my eyes are shut. No wonder. My eyelids feel so heavy… force my eyes open. And I squint at the light. When the surroundings begin to register, I realize that I'm in a very soft bed, and a little lampshade is dimly lighting the room. Tsuzuki's sitting beside me and holding my shoulders. He's looking down at me worriedly, and I can strongly feel the emotions pouring out from him.

     _Concern and regret… _

     And it hurts. 

     "Tsuzuki… your shields…" I utter weakly. I'm really so pathetic.

     "Oh! So… sorry." He closes his eyes in concentration and I can feel him slowly building up his mental barriers. "Better?" he asks with a simple smile. 

     I nod. 

     A minute of awkward silence passes then suddenly, bits of what happened earlier start to come back. I suddenly grasp Tsuzuki's arm. He abruptly looks at me with a startled expression on his face and holds my hand.

     "What's wrong?"

     "Mu… Muraki… where is he? How did I get away from him?" I ask him, not bothering to hide the worry and anxiety from my quivering voice.

     He looks at me as if I'd grown flowers on my head then gently smiles.

     "What are you talking about, Hisoka? I know he's still alive… but he hasn't been anywhere near us." He calmly states.

     "But… but I saw him. Didn't you? He was right there! At the bus stop!" I frantically try to convince him then my voice weakens. "And he… he…" I trail off. I can feel my arms move and I unconsciously hug myself.

    He pulls me into a hug and gently strokes my hair.

     "Nothing happened Hisoka. No one was there at the bus stop when I found you, asleep. But when I brought you here, you began to thrash about, like you were trapped in a nightmare. That's why I woke you up." He explains.

     So… it was all a dream huh? But it felt so real… I still feel so disoriented. But then, I dare myself to hope.

     "Tsuzuki… everything that happened… it was all just part of my dream right…?" I stop before I hesitantly continue. "We didn't have a fight right? You… you didn't call me… something bad… did you?" I look at him with desperate eyes.

    But he sadly looks away.

     "Oh that… It was real. It happened, Hisoka. After that was when you ran away… and probably, because of the long time I took to find you, you fell asleep." He says, trying to avoid my eyes. Then I feel him muster up a lot of determination and he looks straight into my eyes as he speaks.

     "But Hisoka, I want you to know that I didn't mean it." He holds my hands tightly and speaks with all his heart. "I'm sorry."

     This time, I'm the one who looks away.

     "You don't have to apologize for something that you said if it's true." 

     My voice feels so distant. My eyelids are beginning to shudder again.

     Tsuzuki looks at me with a stunned face. "What do you mean?" He asks with voice barely above a whisper.

     "That night… when Muraki took my life… he also took everything away from me…"

     The first drop… followed by a second one… then the third… fresh tears once again freely flow down my cheeks.

     "And I mean **everything**, Tsuzuki… everything…"

     I pull my hands away from his and hug myself. 

_     The pain…_

_     The shame…_

_     That weakness… not being able to defend myself…_

_     Not being able to prevent it from happening…_

_     And the memories… the everlasting mark… that will forever haunt me… for as long as I live…_

     "The curse carved onto your body, permeating to your bones and tissue, even if you were reduced to a cell, it would still return. My little puppet that dances by my whim..." *

     He really… would never leave me alone. Should I accept that fate? Should I be resigned to the idea that I will forever be…

     His 'doll'…?

     "So you were right, Tsuzuki… I am a slut…" I sob. 

     "Muraki's slut…" 

      And I let my sobs take over me. I can't breathe anymore… Muraki's hold on me is so tight that I know… I have no escape. So all I can do is cry… It always helps. It makes me feel even just a wee bit better. Besides, it's always like this. Whenever I remember that and fall into that nightmare…

     _Though there's no reason for anyone to come save me, I can only scream into the night. *_

     Tsuzuki then pulls me into a warm embrace. He kisses my forehead and strokes my back, helping to ease my breathing.

     "Hisoka… do you remember when we were together outside the infirmary, after our case in Kyoto…?" He gently asks. He continues to stroke my back, then I feel his hand rise up and gently run his fingers through my hair. "You told me that someday, you'll surpass him. Do you remember what I told you in answer to that?"

    He pulls away and cups my face, making me look straight into his eyes. 

     "That 'Together… we can do it.'… and I firmly believe that. Hisoka… you are not weak…" he gently affirms, then continues with a joking smile. "…as you so love to think of yourself."

     He holds my hands again, and speaks to me with a serious voice.

     "Besides… I have a confession to make. This evening, when we were arguing, wrong words came out of my mouth. Let me finish what I was really supposed to say, Hisoka. And this time, I promise, I won't screw up." He begins with a kind smile.

     "I didn't like seeing someone hug you because it makes me feel jealous."

     Jealous…? Why?

     And he continues, as if he heard my unspoken question.

     "Because I…"

     He draws closer to me, our faces barely inches apart.

     "I love you."

     And he seals those three words with a kiss.

     My very first kiss…

     _Our _very first kiss.

~*~*~*~

* King of Swords arc. Translations courtesy of **theria**.

There! I managed to finish another chap in what… two hours? But the brainstorming I had to do to come up with the idea took what… 2 _years_? Kidding. XD But I think it took me fairly a week or so to form half of this chap in my head. The other half I did on the spot. 

Well, I just hope I didn't screw it up. Let me know what you think will you? Please? I'll beg if I have to. Just let me know the good and bad sides of this chapter, okay? So that I don't end up screwing the next ones… ^^

Also, if you might have noticed, I changed the summary. It's because I did some revisions to the plot.


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